Plan B is the new Plan A
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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