If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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