hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
