someone threw a dead crab at me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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