He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
