did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
