She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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