my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
