We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
