We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
