god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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