She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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