im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
