NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
