one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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