Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
