Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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