I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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