i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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