dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
