He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
