I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
