Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
