Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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