Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
