Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
