So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
