Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
