wanna go halves on a baby?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
