I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
