"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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