HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Someone signed my nipple.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
