Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything