You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time