your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.