Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.