Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
