i would punch a child for taco bell
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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