Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
