I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
