I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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