Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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