just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize