Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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