I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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