I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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