So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I see more hoeing in ur future
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
