All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
