you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
