you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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