is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
