I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We named our party play list daddy issues
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
