Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
