I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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