When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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