We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
