I got chris browned last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
