My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
