evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
