We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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