the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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