I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
