Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
