don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
