Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
